It was cold. The stone floors only helped the air conditioner bring the temperature down, as if in defiance of Joan's presence. The two policemen who had brought Joan to the courthouse escorted her swiftly to the large room with the scorched floor and protected viewing area. Judge Dervin was already there, seated behind the safety glass. A metal chair had been placed in the center of the room and Joan, being left alone in her portion of the room, sat down on it. As it was, Joan had to slump forward on her chair as the spot on her back was still burning. It felt good to just let it burn, allowing it to sap away the energy that churned inside of her.
“You're still burning,” Judge Dervin observed.
“I thought you'd be proud of me,” Joan answered. “Haven't you been wanting me to find a way to control my fire?”
Judge Dervin rubbed his face, studying her.
“And the train station?” Judge Dervin asked.
“So I only just figured it out, okay?” Joan sighed. “You may want to take note of how brief my episode in the tunnel was, and how I was able to protect my clothes.”
“I have,” He said.
Joan waited for him to continue but he seemed content, for the moment, to stare at her. Joan used the time to check on her fire. It hadn't grown any larger, nor had it shrunk, but the energy inside of her that fueled the fire had lessened.
Judge Dervin pointed a finger to the small flame.
“And so what is this?” His voice was level, curious even, much more welcome than his usual tone.
Joan studied the fire a moment longer before responding.
“You ever seen a gas water heater?” Joan asked.
“What does that have to do with anything?” He asked.
Joan plead silently with Judge Dervin.
“Yes,” He said after a brief pause.
“So you know that there's always that little flame beneath it, burning, right?” Joan asked.
“It's called a pilot light, and yes, I've seen them. They're there just in case there's a gas leak and prevents it from building up.”
“So this is my pilot light,” Joan finished, smiling at how smoothly her explanation had gone.
“I can't have you burning all the time,” Judge Dervin replied immediately.
Joan's heart sank but she thought fast and began speaking before Judge Dervin could continue.
“I won't have to,” She said. “I would only use it in situations where I might be in danger of losing control.”
Joan waited. Judge Dervin laced his fingers together and pursed his lips.
“Situations such as...?” He said with a motion of his hand.
“Like on the days I usually burn,” Joan answered him, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice. To be given permission to burn at will, even on so small a scale, was what she had been striving for even before her release. “And on days when I'm under particular stress, like today.”
“And what was so stressful about today?”
“First day on a new job,” Joan said.
Judge Dervin mused some more. He seemed even more thoughtful than usual and Joan got the impression that he wasn't giving her his full attention.
A minute passed and Judge Dervin still sat with his hands folded in front of him, his eyes cast down to some paperwork on the table. Joan still waited but another minute passed with little more than a shift in weight from Judge Dervin.
“Sir?” Joan muttered tentatively before the third minute could elapse.
Judge Dervin stirred, shaking out of his reverie and staring, surprised, at Joan as if he'd forgotten she were there.
“Sorry,” He said quickly, shuffling his papers and rubbing his face briskly. “Where were we?”
Joan shifted in her hard metal chair.
“I'd just asked you if I could use a pilot light to prevent uncontrolled burns in the future?” She crossed her fingers for luck behind her back.
Judge Dervin sighed, glanced at the paperwork one last time and waved a weary hand at her.
“Very well,” He said and Joan almost leaped from her chair in excitement. “But I want to be informed every time you have to use your pilot light.”
“Of course,” Joan said immediately.
Judge Dervin shuffled his papers once more, giving them an unpleasant look and then waved Joan away.
“You're dismissed,” He said and Joan rushed eagerly away.
Judge Dervin continued to sit, frustrated with himself for his hasty approval of Joan's request. Still, as he read back over the paper in his hands, he couldn't help but feel justified in his distraction.
Mr. Dervin,
The print on the page read,
We regret to inform you that your daughter has been reported missing. Authorities have searched her apartment and found no signs of burglary or struggle though her car is missing as well...
The words continued but Judge Dervin's eyes didn't seem capable of making any more of them out. He buried his face in his hands though he did not weep. He couldn't, not yet at least. If he did, it would mean he'd lost hope for finding her.
“Oh my girl,” Judge Dervin muttered as he used the paper as a handkerchief, “My little girl.”
His breaths came in short and shallow.
“Please come home,” He said, “Please.”
The poor father held back his tears but his body still shook with grief.
“Please,” He managed to say one last time before rising and leaving the room.
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