The beeps came from almost every direction. Each one had its own rhythm but as none of them were connected to each other the resultant discord put everyone on edge.
Counterproductive, the woman thought as she sat by her husbands bedside. Of course, she went on in her mind, With how tight security is they might as well be treating the sick in a prison so perhaps comfort's not really high on their priority list. The thought was unfair and unpleasant, but still it came. Being here wasn't about saving her husbands life. No, that time had passed. Now it was a simple matter of trying to limit the pain he felt and easing him into the next life.
He stirred and she froze in her seat. His eyelids fluttered and the beeps that corresponded to him quickened their rhythm. But he did not wake. The beeping returned to its normal pace and her body slackened again in her chair. He hadn't woken in almost a week now. The doctors said he was unlikely to wake again.
She pressed her hands more firmly around his and sighed deeply. The stench of cleanliness and sterility still made her want to gag but she fought back the urge and continued to draw in more deep, calming breaths. She did not cry. She couldn't have if she wanted to. Something seemed to have blocked her tears away ever since her husbands illness began. She'd needed to be strong: for her husband, for their children, for herself.
A nurse came in without knocking and he went straight to work. For the most part she ignored the staff and they ignored her. She watched the nurse go about his business, moving with a sense of uncaring routine. He switched I.V. bags, took measurements and left without ever looking at her. Not everyone was so bad, some of the doctors and nurses seemed genuinely concerned for her family. They made her visits more bearable. Others, well, she tolerated them.
Her husbands breathing began to slow. Every day it had happened and each time she wondered if that would be the time, the moment when he would breath his last. She didn't know how she'd react when that moment came but it seemed, for now at least, that she would get to wait a little while longer as his breathing evened out again.
She turned to the stack of magazines that were set on the stand beside the bed. Magazines on housekeeping, decorating, science and many other topics she could never seem to find more interesting than the minute by minute well being of her husband. She didn't want to admit it, but deep down she resented the others who had come to visit, only to grab one of the magazines and spend so much of their time reading. Didn't they realize her husband would be gone soon? That all of those missed opportunities would haunt them forever after?
He stirred again in his bed. As always, she perked up, looking for signs of awareness, for recognition. At first she didn't believe her eyes when she saw him blink. Then his eyes opened in earnest and, after a brief moment of disorientation, he focused on her face and smiled.
“Hello you,” he said, just like he had every other day of their married life together.
“Hey,” she said, a knot in her throat preventing her from saying more.
He looked around at his room, taking in the smattering of 'Get Well' cards, flowers in varying stages of wilting, and the balloons their youngest son had brought the day before. He picked up one of the cards, reading it briefly and chuckled before setting it back down. He turned his gaze back to his wife and studied her for a time.
“It's been a while,” he said at last.
She nodded. “Too long.”
Another pause and he looked toward the door, still ajar from the nurses last visit.
“Anyone else around?” he asked with a slight hopeful tone in his voice.
“Visiting hours ended a couple hours ago,” she explained, though most of the visitors had left well before then.
“I'm glad you're here,” he said and patted his wife's hand.
“You know me,” she answered, her smile broadening, “They couldn't keep me out if they tried.”
He nodded and sat up, testing his strength. “Have you seen the kids?” he asked.
“Of course,” she stated, “They've all been coming by to visit.”
“Tommy's married now, did you know?”
“Really? He's always been by himself when he's come to visit.”
“Yeah,” her husband said, “Shy little gal, doesn't get out much. No idea how they ended up together but they're happy I suppose.”
“He hasn't even brought her by to visit,” she said, bristling with a desire to scold her youngest son.
“I'm sure they've got their reasons,” he said without any hint of concern.
That was one of the things she loved so much about him, he never lost his temper, always assumed the best of others.
“I missed you,” he said abruptly.
“I've been by you the whole time,” she assured him.
“I still felt alone.”
She nodded and realized she had tears running down her cheeks. She wiped them away hastily. “I haven't cried in so long, and now it just sneaks up on me.”
“You're beautiful,” he said and gripped her hand tightly.
She dabbed at her eyes a little longer and they both fell silent. It wasn't the awkward silence of not knowing what to say, rather it was the silence of knowing that nothing needed to be said. He held her hand, stroking her hair at times and she in turn smoothed his bed sheets and smiled, blinking back the occasional tear.
“Oh how I missed you,” he said, repeating the sentiment with even more emotion.
“Well it was hardly my fault,” she said defensively.
“No, no, I didn't mean that,” he consoled his wife, “It's just, well I guess I always assumed I would be the first to go, that's all.”
“I guess we both assumed that,” She said and they fell back into their quiet stillness.
After a time, he looked around the room once more.
“Do you think we could go for a walk?” her husband asked. “I feel like I haven't been able to move in ages and I want to stretch some of these old bones.”
Without waiting for a reply he swung his legs over the side of the bed and, giving his wife a mischievous look, stood up.
“Lend me a hand?” He asked, holding out his arm.
She stood, knowing he didn't need her for support but let him take her arm nonetheless.
“That was easier than I thought it would be,” he said, looking back over his shoulder at his bed.
“A lot of things seem harder than they are until we're past them,” She said, patting his arm and the two of them walked out of the room together.
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