IMMOLATION: CHAPTER 33

It was cold out on the street that night but Joan couldn't feel it. There was no flame but heat emanated from her body. Ever since she burned Tom it was as if a hidden section of her mind, the part that knew how to control the fire, had been unlocked and understanding had been flooding into her. The knowledge gave her control, but it also brought with it a deep and abiding terror. The more she used her fire, she knew, the more powerful her fire would become. The more powerful it became, the more she would have to use it if she wanted to keep from losing control and having it explode out of her. A vicious cycle. Even if she held in her fire, only burning when she lost control, eventually she would never stop burning. Her fire would spread and consume the world.

That, or she would be consumed, at last, by her flame. She wasn't sure, yet, which would happen.

Joan stoked the heat that was keeping her warm and walked on as a light rain began to fall. She'd been on the streets for a couple of days now and she was beginning to feel weak with hunger. Sleep was impossible with her mind constantly worrying about being found. So she kept moving, kept walking, kept burning albeit subtly. Though, as Joan looked herself over, she realized her heat was turning the falling rain into steam around her. It was beautiful, if a bit unnerving, with how the steam swirled around her in the updrafts she created.

“Joan!” A voice called from behind her and Joan broke out into a run.

She should have known the steam would be a dead give away that it was her. Panic fueled her steps as she ran, her stomach knotted and her head spun but she pushed through it.

“Joan, wait,” The voice called again and she thought she recognized it.

Taking a chance, Joan slowed down so she wouldn't fall and looked back over her shoulder. Matt, coffee cup in hand, was chasing after her.

“What are you doing here?” Joan asked when Matt caught up with her.

“Me?” Matt asked, bewildered, “What are you doing here, and this late at night?”

It was then that Joan recognized the label on the coffee cup, it was from the cafe she and Matt had gone to that first time, after he'd first measured her fire. Her tired and hungry wanderings had lead her through the city until at last she found herself standing in front of the courthouse.

“I didn't mean to do it,” Joan said all at once when she realized where she was and shutting off her heat for fear of being spotted by anyone else. “Please, you have to help me, they'll lock me up, they'll never let me out again. I can't go back to that.”

Joan dissolved into Matt's arms, crying and clinging to him as though he were the only solid thing in her collapsing world. Matt held her, a confused but pleased expression on his face.

“It's okay,” Matt said after a time of just letting Joan cry. “I honestly don't know what's happened but you can come back to my place and hang out if that'll help.”

Joan nodded, wiping her eyes and Matt led Joan back down the sidewalk to where he'd left his bike. Matt downed his coffee in one big gulp and tossed the paper cup into a nearby garbage can.

“Whoa,” Matt huffed, “Coffee was not meant to be drunk that fast,” He smacked his chest a couple time and coughed a bit before holding the bike out for Joan.

“And how do you suggest we manage this?” Joan asked as she failed to see how the two of them were going to ride the same bicycle.

“You sit the seat and lean back while I peddle standing up,” Matt explained. “You won't have much of a view but it's safer and more comfortable than having you sit on the handlebars.”

Joan found herself to be too tired to question Matt's plan and so she did as he said. Before long, they were gliding down the deserted streets. Joan let the wind blow her hair about and she shut her eyes, relishing the sense of freedom. Her fire wanted release, with her emotions bouncing around such as they were, but she held it under control. The sway of the bike threatened to rock her to sleep and she wobbled a bit on the seat only catching herself at the last moment.

“Hang on,” Matt warned over his shoulder, “We're almost there.”

Joan opened her eyes but her fears were lessening and the lack of sleep weighed down on her and she had to fight to stay awake.

True to his word, Matt pulled the bike to a stop soon after and he helped Joan up the stairs to his apartment. Joan stumbled and slumped down onto his couch the minute he let her go.

“Before you fall asleep,” Matt said, “Do you mind explaining what's happened?”

Matt's face showed his concern but Joan sensed something else, something deeper that gave him cause to worry.

“I lost control,” Joan said, “And I burned someone,” She looked out the open window beside where she lay on the couch. “He may be dying, I'm not sure.”

“When was this?” Matt asked.

“Saturday night.”

“And you've been wandering around for the last two days?”

Joan nodded.

“Are you hungry?” Matt asked as he went to the kitchen and began opening cupboards.

“Matt,” Joan said.

He poked his head back out of the kitchen. “Yes?”

“Do you think you could help me go visit him?” She asked.

Matt paused. “Visit who?” He asked at last. “The guy you burned?”

“His name's Tom,” Joan said, “And he was my date.”

“Sure, sure,” Matt said a bit too quickly and went back to searching through his kitchen. “Did you like him?” He asked.

The clouds in her mind were too thick for her to respond and Joan felt herself falling into the welcomed abyss of sleep.